Dinner With Freddy Joe Jr.

“ Why hello Freddy Joe Jr.. Come inside.” said Billy Bob, “ Come and wait on the couch while I make dinner.”

“Why thank you.” said Freddy Joe.

“Do I put in glass shards in his pasta,” wondered Billy, “or do I poison the rim of his cup? Or maybe I put should lead into his drink. Oh, the possibilities. I think I will poison Freddy Joe’s cup with a poison for a slow, painful death in the ER. I think I will add some lead, too.”
“Now, lets see. . .pour ten cups of hot water in the bowl. Let it get to a rapid boil. Then put in the spaghetti noodles. After the spaghetti noodles are soft, add the flavoring packets.” read Billy.       

“ Well that’s retarded!  What about the lead and poison?! Oh I know, I will add them later so I don’t get it as well. Oh look the water is boiling now.” said Billy Bob loudly.

“WHAT’S GOING ON IN THERE?!” Freddy Joe yelled. “It smells terrible in here! Is that some snails on the cutting board!?! What are they doing there!?!”

“I was going to chop them up and put them in a salad. It is a new recipe I wanted to try. I picked the cone snails out of the ocean today. They’re still fresh, if slightly dry.” answered Billy Bob. “Now go sit down. I have work to do in the kitchen. Shoo. Now where was I?  Ooh yes.  I was rubbing poison onto his glass and putting the noodles in the boiling water.”

“Come to the table Freddy Joe! The dinner is ready, and it only took me one point five hours to make it, not including gathering the snails.” Called Billy Bob.
“Not to mention that cone snails are extremely poisonous.” Billy Bob thought to himself.

“I’m coming!” answered Freddy Joe.

“Now dig in and eat.” said Billy Bob.

“The salad does not taste to good.” said Freddy Joe. “The noodles taste a lot like lead paint, and I smell rat poison on my glass.”

“Okay,I will throw the salad out.”replied Billy Bob.

“I Don’t feel to well. I need to go home now before I throw up.” said Freddy Joe.

“Maybe you are just hungry and need to eat more?” said Billy Bob.

“No, I really need to go home. NOW!” replied Freddy Joe.

“Okay. I wish you could stay longer, but if you need to go home then go.” said Billy Bob. “I will go get your car ready.”

“Good bye.” called Billy Bob as Freddy Joe drove away.

“Now how do I get rid of the things?” pondered Billy Bob, “I know I will burn them.”

“These fumes are highly intoxicating. I feel high. Now I am dizzy.” thought Billy Bob as he died from inhaling particles of lead.

For those who are wondering, my dad seems to have stopped blogging.  This is somewhat sad for global parents, as now only one side of the story will be portrayed.  It will not be my dad's.  For example,

Tonight my dad called me a lummox at dinner.  Then he corrected himself and said I was a Great lummox, to help my feelings.  I call this child abuse.  Shortly thereafter, my sister left in a a huff about some wrinkle comment I had made.  My Mom got mad at me, until my dad started singing a song about "poor, poor *****, gave us quite a scarra, she simply won't return home again".  At this point my Mom told him off about not helping the situation, and went to the tiny bathroom near the kitchen to help ***** with her feelings.  At this point I joined my dad in singing another parody of my sister.  I don't think my dad has finished growing up yet.

Whith this in mind, are you still willing to trust my dad to give you an unbiased account?  For those seeking his side of the story ( which he probably won't post ) click on this link.  http://dj2sburn.blogspot.com/


P.S.
My dad is very lax in his dictatorship of the computer.  His theory on controlling what I post is out the window.  He doesn't know I'm typing this right now.  His theory is in his most recent post, for those interested.

Ohh Dear. . .

I found this when I googled my name.  It is a real news article.

A teenager has been locked up for five months for shining a laser beam at a police helicopter at night and temporarily blinding the pilot.

Jordan Burnett was told by a judge his actions could have been potentially disastrous and devastating.

Maidstone Crown Court heard Essex Police helicopter pilot John Atkinson was flying from Rochester airfield to Basildon at about 2,000ft in the early hours of June 28 this year.

Martin Yale, prosecuting, said it was passing over Chattenden when a green light lit up the whole of the cockpit.

"Those in the helicopter described it as an accurate and sustained attack," he said. "The pilot was forced to take his right hand off the control stick to shield his eyes. He had to effectively swap hands.

"He turned the helicopter away from the beam. He describes losing his night vision and having to fly in a particular manner to get the beam away from interfering with his control of the helicopter."

Mr Yale said the helicopter returned to the scene and the beam was again shone repeatedly at it. Again, evasive action was taken.

The source of the beam was traced to 18-year-old Burnett's home in Elmwood Road, Chattenden, and he immediately owned up to aiming the laser pen at the helicopter.

He told police he had not believed the beam would reach that far. He denied shining it the first time.

"He said he would not have shone it at a car because it would probably make it crash, but he did not apply the same logic tot he helicopter because it was too far away," said the prosecutor.

Burnett, now of Chelmar Road, Chatham, admitted recklessly or negligently acting in a manner likely to endanger an aircraft.

Judge Jeremy Carey said: "It is an occurrence which plainly those who fly at a low level are extremely concerned about because of its potentially disastrous effect."

He added he would accept that Burnett did not shine the laser on the first occasion but said it "beggared belief" that he would not have been aware of it.